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MISTRAL STORY
1999-2002
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2006-2007
A Final Farewell

HEAT

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• Small bottle of brandy for courage, fortification, estimation, consolidation and any other ‘action’ you can think of
• Lightweight summer jacket because it will turn cold as soon as you try to capture the animal
• Heavy weight winter coat because it may be 80 degrees when you set out but will have turned to minus 4 when you begin your rescue.
• Waterproofs because the sun will be shining without a cloud in the sky when you begin but will deteriorate to hurricane conditions by the middle of your rescue.
• Heavy duty waterproofs because in the middle of August there will be a torrential downpour and you may drown
• Global Positioning system because neither the R.S.P.C.A., nor member of the public can give you accurate directions to find your rescue 7. 264 Ordinance Survey maps because you may end up in any part of the country.
• An extra two foot because no matter how long your swan pole, the bird will be a further two feet away from the end of it.
• Strong air-freshener for the car because the captured bird will register it’s protest by copiously poo-ing everywhere
• A complete change of clothing for when you land up to your neck in water, get soaking wet or pooed on by the said rescue.
• A crossword puzzle to complete whilst you wait for the rain to stop.
• A board game to play whilst you still wait for the rain to stop.
• Two mobile phones because your, first one, will have run down the battery at precisely the moment you need to make an emergency call.
• Full kit make-up, handy mirror, hairdryer and brush so as to be looking your best when Fire Brigade turns up.

• R.S.P.C.A., who may not always be in a position to assist.
• Local vet for advice and emergency call-out.
• Essex Fire Brigade Headquarters who will laugh extensively at your predicament but will send help within five minutes.
• Essex Police who may not answer their phone.
• Your best friend because at times such as these you need to tell someone what an exciting life you lead.
• Your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother because they can sympathise with your situation and be very glad it’s not them.
• The phone number of the informant who spotted the rescue and is now sitting at home watching the TV whilst you’re still out trying to catch the blighter
• The local off-license so that you can send for supplies of alcohol before, during and after the rescue
• An extremely large bottle of brandy for when you get home.